Worlds Deadliest Jobs

Now those people are crazy...crabbing looks like...well ya it fits..."child's play." My day started off well...I had the house clean and breaky cooking before the little ones got up. Now this is a good morning as Mr Warren does not like it when his tummy is empty and will only take about 15 minutes to turn from a "smiling huggley, little man...to a screamin, demanding, monster like thing." The shift is spontanious and quick. I always have red meat handy to pacify his need. With all the children sitting down eating nicely. Another battle in itself....surfice to say they all were sitting, all eating, and all interested in the same movie. With a once in a life time opportunity on me I crept down stairs and made a dash for my computer...reading blogs I soon heard the pitter patter of little feet. STOP....LISTEN...only one set coming softly down the stairs...giving a sigh i turned glad to see it was Melissa that had found me and the "Twins" were still seated and entertained by Sesame Street. "Mom...Warren wants some juice." these words of need to help another could not be ignored. "Thank You Melissa...for not whinning at me...." I got up and praised her as we walked up the stairs together to fill her brothers cup. Reaching the top she quickly darted to the coffee table to "retrieve the cup".... popping out from behind walls and furniture the inmates attacked. A fourty pound two year old, screaming with delighted glee, lauched herself onto my knee. Her counterpart followed promptly on the otherside with a war cry of his own. I was going down when I noticed the small red head smiling wickedly up at me...rolling toward the living room I was able to avoid a major casualty of war...but in the position I landed I was in no way ready for the lithe movement of the traitor amongst us...a wicked snicker was heard just before the "elbow drop" was administered to my head. Seeing chicken like things I crawled for the stairs...thanks to my bright idea of "lockable baby gates" there was no where else to go...dislodging the male child, rolling away from the once again dreaded elbow (remind me to beat my older kids), twisting myself around the red head to avoid a land slide of people on the stairs, I was met with my worst advasary... Her blue eyes glittered as she looked into mine, her grip tighted on my knee and the weight of her on my dangling leg was getting to much...the little hood lum did not reallize it was I who was keeping her from tumbling down the stairs, one shift of my foot and she would have been tumbling backwards...not a good thought as the fit to follow would not be pretty...thinking fast I grabbed her... thinking she won she released my knee and grabbed for my neck...I was prepared and that moment launched her to the top of the stairs and slid under her on my back down the first flight. Gaining my feet on the landing I heard the wicked giggles turn to shreiks as they realized their prey had escaped.... hoping to trap them in one of the locked rooms I turned into Warrens and looked for something to defend myself with before they arrived...blocks? man that would make me feel better, but I was not so sure the happy laughter would survive if I did this...pillows? well with one I wont get to far...the bed!!! All toddlers love a bed...so up I went bouncing with glee and making the experience look like the best thrill in the world. Realy I noticed Thelma watching and thought I should give her more reasons to think I am crazy. They followed just as I expected...what I did not expect was for them to race straight for the toy box and obtain the swords and hammers (mcdonalds greatest toy ever!) then they made a retreat...but only as far as the gate. They calmly closed it...the leader of the pack reached her chubby hand through the gate and silently locked the lock...I was stuck...the only out the window. Snagging a hammer...with four kids we have lots of those...I closed my eyes and started swinging...peals of laughter erupted just befor i felt the first blows raining my body. I made a retreat to rethink my stratagy.... I climbed on the toy box and began telling them there were "cool things" out the window...one eventually dropped his hammers and came to see what it was...now this did not sit well with the leader and the other one was trying to "rationalize" him to death...(she is way to smart when it comes to reverse psychology)but soon he was up on the toy box...I leaped... taking the others by surprise I made it over the gate and to freedom...their "locky" does not know how to unlock yet...just lock.... They noticed their prey was on the other side of the gate and with the force of a herd of elephants they lauched them selves at the gate...now my husband built this gate with 4 inch screws holding it to the wall...it did not budge... hammers and swords came flying at me...I retrieved them and hurled them back...for several minutes the battle continued...then they discovered jumping off the dresser and on too the bed... stepping away I moved to my room...erased the blog I could no longer remember anything about...laid down on the floor to catch my breath...and began to wonder...who really is in charge here? Why does this job NOT come with "work mens comp", or hazzard pay...and why are parents not allowed to carry weapons? a rolled up towel would have been a good thing to have hanging from my belt.