Well its three am. Hubby just left for work....(will he ever learn that when 240 pounds leaves the spring board....125 pounds flys off the other side.....man my butt hurts....maybe I will install "pillow floors." that would help the bone breakage in my later years too....lol so what does one do a 3am when their hubby so nicely bounces them out of bed......why I blogg of course. Now ya see why I am always out of journal paper. I so love to write though, it removes the stress from my mind.....but ya know I dont always write about whats stressing me out....I usually write to forgett about that....I was once told by a psychic (not sure to believe it as she also said a tall dark hansome rich stranger would sweep me off my feet at a party and we would live happily ever after.) Okay so we met in a bar (he was not a stranger just a long lost aquaintance) he is tall but not dark and the rich thing.......Well I guess she got that right since at the time he was still a fisherman....having GREAT crab seasons (35,000 in three weeks) unfortunatly he was also with another woman at the time and I was 3000 miles away. So he was RICH at that point. Anyway that paychic told me that she NEVER puts anything negative in writing.....she believes that putting it in writting makes it final.......?????.......On the up side by putting your dreams in writing....you are suppose to be able to obtain them.....(enjoy the dreams V hehe naughty girl) I read a post on a friends Blog today......a letter she had written as a child....funny she wrote it when I met her cuz I remember her talking about those goals.....Has she obtained those goals?????I dont think so... So this now brings me back to the topic of being a "grown up" As children we see the world as open to all possibilities for us.....as teenagers we see where things are screwing up and have the dream that as an A-Dult we can change the world. As an A-DULT we realize that changing ourselves is the biggest obstacle we have to get through....becoming independent sometimes requires us to give up the early fantasies of the perfect life and live in reality.....Now I am told (many years of pschy training) that this is usually the cause of our midlife crisis.....and everyone goes through this at some point in time. I believe cancer put me in mine and thank god that is over.......I look back at the letters I wrote myself or my children and want to laugh.......when did my brain change......the letters seem so inocent so unkowing..... I was A-DULT I was old enough to buy there fore I was a-dult. Now I am mature, (hehe no comments sister) But with maturity I also feel age. so now I know the truth......we will always be young dumb and stupid.....maturity changes through the years as we learn the lessons in life that come with that age brackett.......I know now that fighting life then...trying to controll my destiney......was a HUGE waste of time.....we can not controll our destiney only guide it. We guide it with the choices we make at each decision step we take.......and we cant usually go back and change the situation so the choice will start a whole new destiney.....then there is the curve ball nature hits us with....natural disasters and illness. These change the destiney too and there is NO WAY we can controll that one. So I suggest everyone quit trying so hard to controll and just live......live for what you want....wish and dream.....but when things are out of your controll (such as the way others feel, we can not controll others) just sit back and enjoy the ride learn, live and appreciate what you have......tomorrow could find you in a whole new life. Wow its 4:20. a month ago day light would be arriving....now its DARK.....going back to bed as reality is surfacing and the babies will be up in a couple of hours.....good night I mean Good Morning....to all my reality